Intimacy of God with Me

Chapters 28-31 of I Samuel in the Bible are classic examples of events unfolding on the earth, everyday, intimate events and people not knowing why and seeing inequities, being frustrated, fearful and not know you Father are directing it the whole time. What a lesson I need to learn. It is so hard. I wonder if there is a reason why I read what I did this morning, possibly? But overall I have to trust you that you are in control of not only my life, but all events of the world, great and small.

Father, it is still hard on me to not be disappointed and fearful. So hard. But I am getting better. You give. You take away. You raise people up. You take them down. You control everything. Nothing happens that you aren't aware of. You know everything about me to how many hairs are on my head (now for me that may not be hard). A bird doesn't fall from the sky that you don't know about it. How intimate and involved is that?

Father, you know how I need income. You know I can't afford to keep this house after a period of time. You know it would be really hard to sell it at this time. So I have to trust you. Strengthen me Father. Give me a strong, solid, firm foundation of faith and trust. Not wavering. Not turning to you in time of need, but a continuous trust in my life.

I don't want to be a person who turns to you. I want you to be ever-present in my life with a free, smooth-flowing dependence on you. No different in time of need than in time of plenty. My reliance and relationship should be the same. Even when I say I "turn" to you, that implies I wasn't going in your direction, or you aren't in me as one. And I don't want that.

David is a great example: David and his men returned to their city after losing an intense battle with many dead, being disappointed and frustrated with what they thought was doing the right thing and doing what they do best. Upon return, their city had been burned, destroyed, all their wealth gone, and their families captured and gone as well. They were in intense emotional pain. The Bible says "...David and his men burst out in loud wails...wept and wept until they were exhausted with weeping...Suddenly David was in even worse trouble..There was talk among the men, bitter over the loss of their families, of stoning him...David strengthened himself with trust in his God...David prayed to God, 'Shall I go after these raiders? Can I catch them?'...The answer came!"

What? Wait a minute! Now, wait a minute Father! This is huge for me! This is a no-brainer. Of course you go after them. Why in the world would one ever stop and ask that question of you Father? But he did! He stopped and talked to you about it! Amazing! Why? Why stop and ask you? Huge lesson! David didn't turn to you--it just says, "David strengthened himself." And he did this by having a conversation with you.

I am amazed at the level of intimacy David had with you. Even after failing at leadership, seeing men he loved and for which he had responsibility killed because of his decision. After seeing his city destroyed because of what he believed to be the right thing to do. After losing his family and all the men in his charge experiencing this intense loss as well, he asked you if he should go after the marauders, the enemy, and will he catch them. It flowed. It wasn't an emotional battle and difficult. It was just like breathing. Your answer, your input, your guidance, your strength was his first thought. I am amazed at this level of intimacy with you. You truly were in his life and his life was in yours. I am amazed. Oh Father, how I want that level of intimacy with you.