Intimacy of God with Me

Chapters 28-31 of I Samuel in the Bible are classic examples of events unfolding on the earth, everyday, intimate events and people not knowing why and seeing inequities, being frustrated, fearful and not know you Father are directing it the whole time. What a lesson I need to learn. It is so hard. I wonder if there is a reason why I read what I did this morning, possibly? But overall I have to trust you that you are in control of not only my life, but all events of the world, great and small.

Father, it is still hard on me to not be disappointed and fearful. So hard. But I am getting better. You give. You take away. You raise people up. You take them down. You control everything. Nothing happens that you aren't aware of. You know everything about me to how many hairs are on my head (now for me that may not be hard). A bird doesn't fall from the sky that you don't know about it. How intimate and involved is that?

Father, you know how I need income. You know I can't afford to keep this house after a period of time. You know it would be really hard to sell it at this time. So I have to trust you. Strengthen me Father. Give me a strong, solid, firm foundation of faith and trust. Not wavering. Not turning to you in time of need, but a continuous trust in my life.

I don't want to be a person who turns to you. I want you to be ever-present in my life with a free, smooth-flowing dependence on you. No different in time of need than in time of plenty. My reliance and relationship should be the same. Even when I say I "turn" to you, that implies I wasn't going in your direction, or you aren't in me as one. And I don't want that.

David is a great example: David and his men returned to their city after losing an intense battle with many dead, being disappointed and frustrated with what they thought was doing the right thing and doing what they do best. Upon return, their city had been burned, destroyed, all their wealth gone, and their families captured and gone as well. They were in intense emotional pain. The Bible says "...David and his men burst out in loud wails...wept and wept until they were exhausted with weeping...Suddenly David was in even worse trouble..There was talk among the men, bitter over the loss of their families, of stoning him...David strengthened himself with trust in his God...David prayed to God, 'Shall I go after these raiders? Can I catch them?'...The answer came!"

What? Wait a minute! Now, wait a minute Father! This is huge for me! This is a no-brainer. Of course you go after them. Why in the world would one ever stop and ask that question of you Father? But he did! He stopped and talked to you about it! Amazing! Why? Why stop and ask you? Huge lesson! David didn't turn to you--it just says, "David strengthened himself." And he did this by having a conversation with you.

I am amazed at the level of intimacy David had with you. Even after failing at leadership, seeing men he loved and for which he had responsibility killed because of his decision. After seeing his city destroyed because of what he believed to be the right thing to do. After losing his family and all the men in his charge experiencing this intense loss as well, he asked you if he should go after the marauders, the enemy, and will he catch them. It flowed. It wasn't an emotional battle and difficult. It was just like breathing. Your answer, your input, your guidance, your strength was his first thought. I am amazed at this level of intimacy with you. You truly were in his life and his life was in yours. I am amazed. Oh Father, how I want that level of intimacy with you.

God's World

Coming back to the present for just a bit. I had to get this down because it just keeps nagging me and I mean that in an exceptionally good way. I awoke this morning about 4:30 a.m. and knew there just was no more sleep in me. I came into the library and began reading the Bible from The Message. I read the book of Ruth and then read the introduction to 1 Samuel. I love Eugene Peterson's introductions to the books in the Bible. I get so much insight from them. Well, in his introduction to 1 Samuel it really spoke to me, because it was just where my thoughts and heart were last night, again. I think God is speaking to me and trying really hard to get my attention on this matter. It just keeps recurring at different times and in different situations.

Here are the statements Peterson makes that really spoke to my mind and my heart:

• We don't have to fit into prefabricated moral or mental or religious boxes before we are admitted into the company of God--we are taken seriously just as we are and given a place in his story, for it is, after all, his story.
• None of us is the leading character in the story of life.
• The biblical way is not so much to present a moral code and tell us "Live up to this...Think like this and you will live well."
• The biblical way is to tell a story and invite us, "Live into this. This is what it looks like to be human...This is what is involved in entering and maturing as human beings."
• We do violence to the biblical revelation when we use it for what we can get out of it or what we think will provide color and spice to our otherwise bland lives.
• That results in a kind of "boutique spirituality"--God as decoration, God as enhancement.
• ...we are not being led to see God in our stories, but to see our stories in God's.
• God is the larger context and plot in which our stories find themselves.

This is where my thoughts were last night while at church. Also, where my mind has been repeatedly over the past months and couple of years. My thoughts have been much more abstract and unformed, but nonetheless there. Kyle makes me think in my mind and heart. He grabs my attention and the Holy Spirit speaks. What do I do with it, then? That is my choice.

The question keeps coming back to me, "Why would I do all the things God asks or commands me to do? It can't be just to do the right thing, although that is good in a smaller context. But ultimately, it is really larger than that. God's world, spirit, is where the truth is. Even saying that limits it. In God's world there is no truth. By saying truth it lays out that there must be false. And that is not in God's world. We only have to set this truth/false concept up and do this in our world (human).

God wants me to live in that world, his world. Transcend human, so to speak, and live there, spirit. That's what Jesus did. Humanness was an encumbrance and a limitation. It was and is a prevention or deterrent to truly living in God's world. But nonetheless a world in which God wants me to live. All the revelation, stories and instruction in the Bible are to get me there.

This realization is the 'transforming' that Paul talks about. It's not just changing our lives so we can live better in this world. In fact we are told the opposite. The more we transform our lives into God's spirit world, the harder it will be on us in this world. But, the more peaceful and settled we will be in our heart, because our hearts will be less at war with God and the spirit.

The transforming of our lives is transcending us out of the human world and more into God's spirit world where he wants me to be. That transformation is the key to unlocking the doors and allowing us in, incrementally, little by little, to God's world, the true world and the eternal world. This is where we are headed ultimately, because of Jesus' work on the cross, his resurrection and our acceptance of it. But God doesn't want to wait for that. He wants us to transformationally move more to his world in our living each day until our bodies die or Jesus comes again.

Oh my, how that gives meaning to our lives as we live on this earth, encumbered and limited by humanness. Romans 12:1-2 is the complete explanation of this. Two short verses that explain completely what God is all about, once we accept Jesus' work for us. This is huge for me. I mean huge. It is the answer for all time about God's relationship to those who accept his Son's work on this earth for us. The only answer.

I must, repeat must, look at God in this way. My perspective must be that of Christ: eternal, spiritual, his world looking into ours, not ours looking into God's. That will dramatically change my life.