I had been toying with an idea of setting up my own web site to gather leads for selling individual health insurance. I had attended a couple of meetings and seminars for a company that would assist me in doing so. It all sounded very promising and I really liked their approach, their service and their product. The big seminar came up and I went. Now, I wasn't naive about what they were going to do. Get me in there with the other three hundred or so people, spend the day selling me, and then asking me to sign up. I knew that. But I really liked what I saw and believed this might be an opportunity to be in control of getting my leads myself and really growing this business. What actually happened was nothing I had planned on.
Yesterday Father, I received clear direction from you. I attended the seminar for internet selling. This was the third session I had attended. This is a program that really has great potential. I spend all day there and was sold on how it could assist us in getting income with the promise of great revenue. I had to buy the one time license and all the support, etc. that day for six thousand dollars. Huge amount of money, but would have been an investment. My wife and I talked several times over the phone during the day and we were still on target to do it. As I sat in that session late in the afternoon, I prayed to you and asked for clear direction, an answer as to whether we should do it or not. You gave it to me. Immediately, this feeling came over me, this was NOT the right thing to do. I thought about the consulting job that came out of the blue, my wife told me yesterday that she really hated making insurance calls, and I admitted I did too. She was also fearful she wouldn't be able to practice her nursing any more, if we went with this. We had been honest and confronted each other maturely. I realized that what it would require was just not me. I'm not a salesman. I'm an academic. I love to figure out how processes can work better. With no promise of any other income, but a very clear answer from you, I walked out and away. I have peace. Satan is trying to put a wedge between us by playing up the doubt issue and fear that all may not turn out the way I want. I still did the right thing. It was clearly an answer from you, Father. Thank you!
Saturday, November 21, 2009
Even If I Don't Get What I Ask, I Will Be Faithful
I awoke early this morning around 4:30 a.m. and dozed off and on. I hate it when I start thinking negative thoughts and get fearful and anxious. I told myself over and over again as I lie there with these more intense negative thoughts going over and over in my head, that God is with me and will take care of us. I had lapsed back into a self-destructive way of thinking and I hate it when that happens.
Father, I just read in 1 Kings about Solomon and the wealth and glorious temple and palace he built. And about how he prayed in front of all Israel on his knees with hands raised dedicating it all to you. And then your response which said, "All I want from you is obedience, worship and devotion and also from Israel. If you do it, I'll continue to bless. If you don't I'll destroy all you built and scatter Israel." What a reminder that our, my, accomplishments and things I dedicate to you mean nothing if you don't have my heart and obedience. Father, you know I need income. There seems to be an opportunity with this consulting company. I have nothing else going. I see the large expenses keep coming in and our savings going down faster than I'd like. You know all this. I don't know the end or what we'll do in a few months. I only know you promised to take care of us. I see in your Word how you blessed the faithful with more than they had asked or hoped. I see people always having what they need when they need it. So maybe that's it. I have what I need right now. [Satan just tempted me by saying to me, yes, but God didn't provide that, you did.] Putting me in the lead and control. I don't want that Father. I know where the source is. That is you. When I call the recruiter today, I ask you that she'll have good news for me. More importantly, I ask that I'd be obedient to you and be faithful in my service to you. Please Father, take care of us. But like the football coach in the movie "Facing the Giants," but even if I don't get what I ask, I will be faithful. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I sent my son a letter yesterday with my journal writings. I ask that his heart would be tender and he will receive it in the right spirit. Please bless it Father and speak to him through the words.
Father, I love you. And I grow to love you more each day. Even when I go through hard times, I love you. I want to be obedient to your ways. To serve you faithfully with all my heart. Trusting you in all I am and do. Today Father, let it be full of love and joy. Rich in meaning. Pour myself into you and into others. Not be selfish and self-centered. Trusting you for everything. Don't be afraid. This seems to be my plague right now. Fear. And that does not come from you. Perfect love, your love, drives out fear, as I'm told in your Word. Dress me in your perfect love. That is all I see and know and feel.
Father, I just read in 1 Kings about Solomon and the wealth and glorious temple and palace he built. And about how he prayed in front of all Israel on his knees with hands raised dedicating it all to you. And then your response which said, "All I want from you is obedience, worship and devotion and also from Israel. If you do it, I'll continue to bless. If you don't I'll destroy all you built and scatter Israel." What a reminder that our, my, accomplishments and things I dedicate to you mean nothing if you don't have my heart and obedience. Father, you know I need income. There seems to be an opportunity with this consulting company. I have nothing else going. I see the large expenses keep coming in and our savings going down faster than I'd like. You know all this. I don't know the end or what we'll do in a few months. I only know you promised to take care of us. I see in your Word how you blessed the faithful with more than they had asked or hoped. I see people always having what they need when they need it. So maybe that's it. I have what I need right now. [Satan just tempted me by saying to me, yes, but God didn't provide that, you did.] Putting me in the lead and control. I don't want that Father. I know where the source is. That is you. When I call the recruiter today, I ask you that she'll have good news for me. More importantly, I ask that I'd be obedient to you and be faithful in my service to you. Please Father, take care of us. But like the football coach in the movie "Facing the Giants," but even if I don't get what I ask, I will be faithful. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I sent my son a letter yesterday with my journal writings. I ask that his heart would be tender and he will receive it in the right spirit. Please bless it Father and speak to him through the words.
Father, I love you. And I grow to love you more each day. Even when I go through hard times, I love you. I want to be obedient to your ways. To serve you faithfully with all my heart. Trusting you in all I am and do. Today Father, let it be full of love and joy. Rich in meaning. Pour myself into you and into others. Not be selfish and self-centered. Trusting you for everything. Don't be afraid. This seems to be my plague right now. Fear. And that does not come from you. Perfect love, your love, drives out fear, as I'm told in your Word. Dress me in your perfect love. That is all I see and know and feel.
I Have to Have A God-Listening Heart
I'm back in May of 2008 again and resuming my telling of the journey I have been on for the past couple of years. What was nagging in my gut was the impending future of running out of the money I had set aside to live on and not knowing what was going to happen when it did. I had been talking to a company about becoming a consultant for them and everything looked so good. Interviews had gone extremely well. I had even flown to Denver to interview with some executives and gotten word that they wanted me to join their organization. All looked good. That had actually occurred in March, but so far only talk. Looking back on it now, I can see that God had something totally different in store. But then, not a clue. There was only me and an unsure future. So back to May:
I am alone here in the house. It is early. The house is quiet. My wife had just left for work. I started reading The Books of Kings in the Bible this morning. King David has died and Solomon, his son, is the new king. Eugene Peterson says in his introduction:
"...the Hebrew demand of God to have a king was about the worst thing they could have asked for...In the midst of the incredible mess those kings are making of God's purposes, God continues to work his purposes...The rule is worked from within, much of the time invisible and unnoticed, but always patiently and resolutely there."
You are not hindered and thwarted in accomplishing what you want God. I cannot stop you with my disobedience and poor choices in my life, nor anyone in the world. Man is nothing. They think they are with all their intelligence and wealth. But we are nothing. Your desires, your way, what you want will be accomplished no matter what. When you asked Solomon what he wanted and you would give it to him, his request was:
"...here I am God, my God, you have made me, your servant, ruler of the kingdom...I'm too young for this, a mere child!...And here I am, set down in the middle...Here's what I want: Give me a God-listening heart...For who on their own is capable...?"
And your response was such pleasure with Solomon's request. You promised him what he asked plus all the wealth and power he didn't ask for. Then you said:
"...if you stay on course, keeping your eye on the life-map and the God-signs as your father David did, I'll also give you a long life."
Father, I don't pretend to be Solomon, but I see where the desire of my heart must first be a "God-listening heart." Abiding in you no matter what goes on around me or where it leads. Humbly seeking to do what you want. Listening to your Spirit as you guide me. All in my life will be an opportunity for learning and growth as I surrender myself to your use and will. Whatever that may be, wherever it leads, my first desire. In the beginning of The Book of Kings it says "Solomon loved God." I love you Father. I awoke this morning with a phrase going over in my head "Strength will rise as we wait upon the lord. We will wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord." You're telling me to trust you and wait for you to lead, work, show me, work out your will. And while that is going on, I will have strength growing from inside. I will become stronger for anything you want me to be and do. I want a "God-listening heart."
I am alone here in the house. It is early. The house is quiet. My wife had just left for work. I started reading The Books of Kings in the Bible this morning. King David has died and Solomon, his son, is the new king. Eugene Peterson says in his introduction:
"...the Hebrew demand of God to have a king was about the worst thing they could have asked for...In the midst of the incredible mess those kings are making of God's purposes, God continues to work his purposes...The rule is worked from within, much of the time invisible and unnoticed, but always patiently and resolutely there."
You are not hindered and thwarted in accomplishing what you want God. I cannot stop you with my disobedience and poor choices in my life, nor anyone in the world. Man is nothing. They think they are with all their intelligence and wealth. But we are nothing. Your desires, your way, what you want will be accomplished no matter what. When you asked Solomon what he wanted and you would give it to him, his request was:
"...here I am God, my God, you have made me, your servant, ruler of the kingdom...I'm too young for this, a mere child!...And here I am, set down in the middle...Here's what I want: Give me a God-listening heart...For who on their own is capable...?"
And your response was such pleasure with Solomon's request. You promised him what he asked plus all the wealth and power he didn't ask for. Then you said:
"...if you stay on course, keeping your eye on the life-map and the God-signs as your father David did, I'll also give you a long life."
Father, I don't pretend to be Solomon, but I see where the desire of my heart must first be a "God-listening heart." Abiding in you no matter what goes on around me or where it leads. Humbly seeking to do what you want. Listening to your Spirit as you guide me. All in my life will be an opportunity for learning and growth as I surrender myself to your use and will. Whatever that may be, wherever it leads, my first desire. In the beginning of The Book of Kings it says "Solomon loved God." I love you Father. I awoke this morning with a phrase going over in my head "Strength will rise as we wait upon the lord. We will wait upon the Lord, wait upon the Lord." You're telling me to trust you and wait for you to lead, work, show me, work out your will. And while that is going on, I will have strength growing from inside. I will become stronger for anything you want me to be and do. I want a "God-listening heart."
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