Sadie

Yesterday, we put our precious little dog to sleep. She has been part of our family for sixteen years and I loved her so much. I never thought I would love a pet like I did her. As a child growing up I never had any pets and just thought all the hullabaloo over them was just silly. But did I ever change my mind. Sixteen years ago I brought her home to Lenora. She ran into the house and jumped on Lenora's lap and started licking her on her face. She did her little Sadie dance on her hind legs and immediately moved into our lives and hearts as our little baby girl. She was one year old when we got her, so she was seventeen when she went to sleep, a long and full life. Sadie was part Shitzu and Pekingese and had personality, plus. To be so little she had a strong will and seemed to figure out a way to get what she wanted. While at times it was irritating, it was also endearing. We've laughed at her and watched her, doted on her and gave her pretty much everything she wanted. I remember when she was young how I would cuddle her in my arms on her back and rub her belly for about 45 minutes. She didn't move. I was the only one she would let do that to her. Lenora talked to her all the time and Sadie would just look at her with those big brown eyes and I know she was thinking "blah, blah, blah Sadie food, blah, blah, blah." She loved her Kevin. One time when Kevin came home she litterally jumped into his arms and started kissing him. But it wasn't the little, special moments that meant so much to me. It was the daily devotion and her being just so darn sweet and cute that was so speical. The love she gave us was immeasurable and the place she had in our heart was huge. I will miss her so much and am so sad. But it was the right thing to do. She had dementia, Cushing's disease and not many teeth left. She slept almost all the time and was losing weight so quickly. How could you allow that to go on? To preserve her dignity and not let her suffer, it was the right thing to do. But, the hole in my heart is huge and I still get a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes when I think of her. Goodnight Sadie girl. I will always love you.

Fan or Follower, Again

I was pretty down last night thinking about what is or may be facing my siblings and I. Primarily I was thinking about my Mom. When I awoke this morning, I started thinking again. They were not pleasant thoughts. For the most part they were dreary and burden laden. But then, I remembered how God has been absolutely ripping my heart out through Kyle's sermons on Fan or Follower. Last Sunday I broke down and wept during his sermon when he told about Elijah burning all his belongings (and they were many, since he was a wealthy man) in front of all his family, employees and the towns people. And also how Elijah slaughtered his cattle and offered all of them up to God in sacrifice. Kyle asked us the question, "Do you know what Elijah was telling all around him by doing this?" He was saying demonstrating, "I'm not coming back." It was then that I broke down and wept. My heart was broken in praise and adoration of God. I said to God, "I'm not coming back." So, this morning as I lie in bed, I asked myself the question, "Am I a fan or follower of Christ?" The answer is "I'm a follower!" And this big smile came on my face, literally. I realized that all of life as a follower of Christ is about letting go. And this is the equivalent of dying to myself as Christ instructs me to do. So, I lie in bed smiling and knowing that God is in control and will take care of all of my concerns. There was an incredible peace that came over me. Praise God.