Even If I Don't Get What I Ask, I Will Be Faithful

I awoke early this morning around 4:30 a.m. and dozed off and on. I hate it when I start thinking negative thoughts and get fearful and anxious. I told myself over and over again as I lie there with these more intense negative thoughts going over and over in my head, that God is with me and will take care of us. I had lapsed back into a self-destructive way of thinking and I hate it when that happens.

Father, I just read in 1 Kings about Solomon and the wealth and glorious temple and palace he built. And about how he prayed in front of all Israel on his knees with hands raised dedicating it all to you. And then your response which said, "All I want from you is obedience, worship and devotion and also from Israel. If you do it, I'll continue to bless. If you don't I'll destroy all you built and scatter Israel." What a reminder that our, my, accomplishments and things I dedicate to you mean nothing if you don't have my heart and obedience. Father, you know I need income. There seems to be an opportunity with this consulting company. I have nothing else going. I see the large expenses keep coming in and our savings going down faster than I'd like. You know all this. I don't know the end or what we'll do in a few months. I only know you promised to take care of us. I see in your Word how you blessed the faithful with more than they had asked or hoped. I see people always having what they need when they need it. So maybe that's it. I have what I need right now. [Satan just tempted me by saying to me, yes, but God didn't provide that, you did.] Putting me in the lead and control. I don't want that Father. I know where the source is. That is you. When I call the recruiter today, I ask you that she'll have good news for me. More importantly, I ask that I'd be obedient to you and be faithful in my service to you. Please Father, take care of us. But like the football coach in the movie "Facing the Giants," but even if I don't get what I ask, I will be faithful. The joy of the Lord is my strength. I sent my son a letter yesterday with my journal writings. I ask that his heart would be tender and he will receive it in the right spirit. Please bless it Father and speak to him through the words.

Father, I love you. And I grow to love you more each day. Even when I go through hard times, I love you. I want to be obedient to your ways. To serve you faithfully with all my heart. Trusting you in all I am and do. Today Father, let it be full of love and joy. Rich in meaning. Pour myself into you and into others. Not be selfish and self-centered. Trusting you for everything. Don't be afraid. This seems to be my plague right now. Fear. And that does not come from you. Perfect love, your love, drives out fear, as I'm told in your Word. Dress me in your perfect love. That is all I see and know and feel.