It is 12:15 a.m. I have been reading a fictional novel entitled "The Piano Teacher" just for fun. I read a lot and I do love a good novel/story. I can't read non-fiction all the time and sometimes just want something fun to read. I've enjoyed my time tonight. I went to The Post and met my best friend and sat together. We worshipped, sang, praised and listened to a good sermon by the leader. When I got home it was nice just being with my wife and spending some quiet time together. She has to work tomorrow so she went to bed at her regular time of 10:00 p.m. But I wasn't ready yet so I came into the library to read, sip a good bourbon and smoke a cigar. A few luxuries I enjoy occassionally. I love where I am in life right now and hope it can stay that way. I have the time and the flexibility to do varied things and be involved in several things. There really isn't anything real important I want to say, just that I'm happy with where I am in life. God has really worked me over the past couple of years and it has been painful, exhausting and frustrating. But the result has been good. If people would just hang in there and go with it, God always brings events and situations to a good ending for us. Of course, by world's standards it might not be good. But in my relationship with God and becoming the man He wants me to be, it is always good. For that I am very, very grateful.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Derby Time in Louisville
Yesterday was Derby Day in Louisville, Kentucky. You really can't explain what it is like unless you are here. For two weeks this town rocks like no other time during the year. We use to have seats at the Oaks, which is a race the day before the Derby, but this year we said we are over it and gave them up. It's ok because we had such a great time. Our son and his friend plus my sister and brother-in-law were here. We selected our horses and watched the race on the television. Of course when the crowd sang My Old Kentucky Home, we all stood up and put our hands on our hearts and sang along. This is the second National Anthem you know. At the end my wife shed a tear. Then we watched Calvin Borel just eat up the track and win on a 50-1 long shot. How exciting. He just hollered and shouted and laughed. The funny thing was that my wife loves Calvin Borel and said to put $2 on him. But when she heard the odds, she said she wasn't going to lose $2 on Calvin. And then we watched him just punch all the lights out. She is sick that she lost a $100 for not following her heart. Oh, well hopefully, she learned a lesson.
After we watched the Derby, we had a great dinner of grilled chicken and all the trimmings, plus a family recipe's pecan pie. We also celebrated my sister's birthday and it was fun. Then we sat outside and talked and laughed. It was really chilly so we put our sweaters on. It was just a great day and we had so much fun. I love having fun.
After we watched the Derby, we had a great dinner of grilled chicken and all the trimmings, plus a family recipe's pecan pie. We also celebrated my sister's birthday and it was fun. Then we sat outside and talked and laughed. It was really chilly so we put our sweaters on. It was just a great day and we had so much fun. I love having fun.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Buck Stops Here
I wish President Obama would not get into the role of stating consistently that he "inherited" the financial mess we are in. Yes, he does say that he is now responsible to fix the mess. But the bottom line is not who started it, or fostered it, it is whom, when, and how it will be fixed. That is what I want to know. It will take time. To blame a predecessor is immature and I have no respect for it. It is now his job, regardless of who caused it. It comes with the job, with the territory and he wanted it. So, now fix it and move on. Don't blame anyone else. We are intelligent people. Don't treat us like children. What's past is past. Be mature. Be wise. Be a leader. Be a man and fix it. That is what we will remember. How he handles himself through this will make the difference of whether he will be trusted or not. Don't screw it up.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
I Stand Amazed
Last week I received a call from a gentleman and was told that a dear friend of mine suggested he call me. The gentleman is starting up a web site business and wanted to talk to me about potentially assisting him with writing. So, yesterday morning we met and discussed his vision and expectations. The more we talked, the more excited I became. When we finished, I was driving to a luncheon appointment and started thinking about how God had worked and was amazed and in awe. I just talked to God and let Him know how thankful I am and how amazed I am at His work.
Two years ago, as of March 28th, I left my company due to my position being eliminated. At that time I was confused, angry, and at the same time excited and filled with anticipation of a new life. Emotions were intense and extremely broad and conflicting. But it seemed that no matter what I did, nothing seemed to work out the way I wanted. I could see possibilities and it all looked good and for the most part, my motive and heart were in a good place. But somehow for each new opportunity and positive direction, one by one they failed, were delayed, didn't pan out, whatever. The longer this went on, the more anxious I became. My relationship with my wife began to be strained. Things that we had not faced before came to the surface, and things we had faced just got magnified. We argued and were silent. We prayed and cried and then became angry again and frustrated. It was a very emotional time and one filled with fear and frustration and hope and anticipation.
This occurred off and on for two years. There was always this underlying angst in our lives. We weren't stuck, because we could see that something was going on. We just didn't know what it was. And more importantly, we didn't know where it was headed. At the same time, my mother-in-law was ill and this consumed my wife's emotions, thoughts and time. Each of us, my wife and I, had issues inside of us and between us that really had to be dealt with.
During this time, I began to see direction formulating and taking root. I began to realize that I wanted to write. I wanted to tell God's story and use my life as a framework to do so. Where did that come from? My son and my best friend affirmed me and actually gave me the genesis by suggestion. I began to realize that I did not want to work in a company any more. That was scary, because it is all I had known and with all the benefits and regular pay check was, I guess, as secure as it could be. We had set money aside to start a business and that business, in the format we were doing it, turned out to be something we hated. And the money we set aside to live on and start our business was going to run out as of a certain date. I had no other prospect for any income. But all along the way, little by little, sometimes very, very vague and veiled, I would see God working in our lives. One of the amazing things is that it was in ways we just did not see coming and through events and issues we didn't have any idea would have such an impact. Needless to say it was a roller coaster life for two years.
There is so much more, but that is another "book." And now the amazing part of this chapter. I thought that the only hope I had was to start the business up again, but this time do it very different and with a completely different paradigm. That still is what I am working to do. But then one day I received an email from a friend I really hadn't talked to for some time. He said he was working with an organization as an advisor/strategist to diversify and become more profitable. They wanted to go into the health care industry and he said he believed I could help them and they could help me. Where did that come from? I had spent 28 years in the health insurance industry and that would be great for them to draw on. Out of the blue this came, from someone I had not really talked to for quite some time! I did not see this coming at all. So, after some business and very personal conversations with the owner and my friend, we are now on a path of me assisting them, having an office to go to and get out of my home office, potentially making enough money on a part time basis to cover my personal expenses and have fun doing it.
My personal business "restart" is still out there, but not as much in the forefront as each day passes. It is getting further and further less important, at least for the immediate. Besides there are start-up costs involved and the longer I can delay the more cost effective it is. And now back to the beginning of this writing. Out of the blue comes this telephone call from the gentleman who wants my assistance to write for his new business. What? Again, where did this come from? So, what I have now is a retaining of my services for the new health care market company, writing for this new web site company to encourage people with biblical inspirational thoughts and paragraphs, and the "restarting" of my business. And all three of them providing an income immediate and long term. Two of them completely out of the blue, no thought at all as to doing them on my part and from areas I did not even knew existed. God, you are amazing.
What I have begun to realize so strongly, is that God was much more interested over the past two years in changing me, and my wife. He was much more interested in my character, breaking strongholds I had that kept me in bondage, getting me to trust Him, which is one of the most difficult things for me to do in my life (trusting any one that is), and Him freeing me to be the man He wants me to be. That was His goal over the past two years. And along the way, He used me, my struggles, victories, etc. to help others as I shared my life with them. God, you are amazing!
But let me tell you how vulnerable we can be. This morning I realized I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just wouldn't go away and it was troubling. I began questioning. Can I really do this writing in the way that is necessary and the format required? Can I really do this? And also, do I want to do this? It doesn't coincide with my "designed" plans and the way I had laid out. I began to talk to God about it and realized two things were going on here. 1) My own insecurities. Satan was taking advantage of my insecurities and using them against me, robbing me of my joy and taking my mind off of God. Of course I can do this. So, I asked God to get that devil away from me and give me the strength to face my weakness and drive it and take it to Satan. I am not afraid with God's leading the way. 2) My control. This is not the way I planned. This is not the format I had in mind. I wanted to write short stories and books, not paragraphs and thoughts for the day. Oh God, forgive me. You laid this in my lap. You, obviously, want me to take this direction. But my "lack of control" for the way I wanted is getting in the way. I trust you. You are in control. Step back Robert and get out of the way, and just go with it.
You are amazing God. And I stand amazed.
Two years ago, as of March 28th, I left my company due to my position being eliminated. At that time I was confused, angry, and at the same time excited and filled with anticipation of a new life. Emotions were intense and extremely broad and conflicting. But it seemed that no matter what I did, nothing seemed to work out the way I wanted. I could see possibilities and it all looked good and for the most part, my motive and heart were in a good place. But somehow for each new opportunity and positive direction, one by one they failed, were delayed, didn't pan out, whatever. The longer this went on, the more anxious I became. My relationship with my wife began to be strained. Things that we had not faced before came to the surface, and things we had faced just got magnified. We argued and were silent. We prayed and cried and then became angry again and frustrated. It was a very emotional time and one filled with fear and frustration and hope and anticipation.
This occurred off and on for two years. There was always this underlying angst in our lives. We weren't stuck, because we could see that something was going on. We just didn't know what it was. And more importantly, we didn't know where it was headed. At the same time, my mother-in-law was ill and this consumed my wife's emotions, thoughts and time. Each of us, my wife and I, had issues inside of us and between us that really had to be dealt with.
During this time, I began to see direction formulating and taking root. I began to realize that I wanted to write. I wanted to tell God's story and use my life as a framework to do so. Where did that come from? My son and my best friend affirmed me and actually gave me the genesis by suggestion. I began to realize that I did not want to work in a company any more. That was scary, because it is all I had known and with all the benefits and regular pay check was, I guess, as secure as it could be. We had set money aside to start a business and that business, in the format we were doing it, turned out to be something we hated. And the money we set aside to live on and start our business was going to run out as of a certain date. I had no other prospect for any income. But all along the way, little by little, sometimes very, very vague and veiled, I would see God working in our lives. One of the amazing things is that it was in ways we just did not see coming and through events and issues we didn't have any idea would have such an impact. Needless to say it was a roller coaster life for two years.
There is so much more, but that is another "book." And now the amazing part of this chapter. I thought that the only hope I had was to start the business up again, but this time do it very different and with a completely different paradigm. That still is what I am working to do. But then one day I received an email from a friend I really hadn't talked to for some time. He said he was working with an organization as an advisor/strategist to diversify and become more profitable. They wanted to go into the health care industry and he said he believed I could help them and they could help me. Where did that come from? I had spent 28 years in the health insurance industry and that would be great for them to draw on. Out of the blue this came, from someone I had not really talked to for quite some time! I did not see this coming at all. So, after some business and very personal conversations with the owner and my friend, we are now on a path of me assisting them, having an office to go to and get out of my home office, potentially making enough money on a part time basis to cover my personal expenses and have fun doing it.
My personal business "restart" is still out there, but not as much in the forefront as each day passes. It is getting further and further less important, at least for the immediate. Besides there are start-up costs involved and the longer I can delay the more cost effective it is. And now back to the beginning of this writing. Out of the blue comes this telephone call from the gentleman who wants my assistance to write for his new business. What? Again, where did this come from? So, what I have now is a retaining of my services for the new health care market company, writing for this new web site company to encourage people with biblical inspirational thoughts and paragraphs, and the "restarting" of my business. And all three of them providing an income immediate and long term. Two of them completely out of the blue, no thought at all as to doing them on my part and from areas I did not even knew existed. God, you are amazing.
What I have begun to realize so strongly, is that God was much more interested over the past two years in changing me, and my wife. He was much more interested in my character, breaking strongholds I had that kept me in bondage, getting me to trust Him, which is one of the most difficult things for me to do in my life (trusting any one that is), and Him freeing me to be the man He wants me to be. That was His goal over the past two years. And along the way, He used me, my struggles, victories, etc. to help others as I shared my life with them. God, you are amazing!
But let me tell you how vulnerable we can be. This morning I realized I had this nagging thought in the back of my mind that just wouldn't go away and it was troubling. I began questioning. Can I really do this writing in the way that is necessary and the format required? Can I really do this? And also, do I want to do this? It doesn't coincide with my "designed" plans and the way I had laid out. I began to talk to God about it and realized two things were going on here. 1) My own insecurities. Satan was taking advantage of my insecurities and using them against me, robbing me of my joy and taking my mind off of God. Of course I can do this. So, I asked God to get that devil away from me and give me the strength to face my weakness and drive it and take it to Satan. I am not afraid with God's leading the way. 2) My control. This is not the way I planned. This is not the format I had in mind. I wanted to write short stories and books, not paragraphs and thoughts for the day. Oh God, forgive me. You laid this in my lap. You, obviously, want me to take this direction. But my "lack of control" for the way I wanted is getting in the way. I trust you. You are in control. Step back Robert and get out of the way, and just go with it.
You are amazing God. And I stand amazed.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Doing Something Just for God
Your Word in the book of Haggai impressed upon me the necessity of doing things, something just for You Father. And how I am always caught, controlled and used by the dimension of “time.” Of course I know nothing else, and in this world it is the great limiting force. But I want to think and live more in the eternal perspective, Your perspective. Hard? Almost impossible, but it can be done. By seeing and accepting life from Your perspective, Your ways, Your character, it lifts me above the dimension of time into the eternal where I really live with You.
Your Spirit guides me into and through this life, opening my mind to Your ways. This is so very hard, but I believe it is key to a full, unselfish, pleasing-You life. The reality is I don’t really have to figure it all out. I just have to choose to trust You completely, have pure faith in You and Choose to live Your way and it will occur. Each day, each moment of my life, over time, I will be lifted up and changed. But it is a moment by moment decision-making process. Strength will only come and build as I live my life day by day, week by week, month by month, year by year. A life-long process built on moment by moment choices. You’ve made it clear how hard it can be, but also how to do it, how You will give me all I need, and how You will help me. Sometimes that means seasons of difficulty and pain.
The specific event in Haggai was the rebuilding of the Temple after 70 years of exile. But we can also use it as a metaphor for our lives. We need to think in terms of anything we are doing or need to do in our lives. Things that will please You Father. Things we work on in life emotionally, physically, socially, familially and spiritually. And then apply Your Word. You say to the people of Israel through Haggai:
“They say this isn’t the right time to rebuild my temple.”
“Time” the great dictator, the great thief of joy and progress and growth, the one thing man can never create enough of. The way we judge Your responses to us Father. The way we structure all our lives. The sand that slips through our fingers never to be recovered. The event we wait for and build life systems around. The dimension in which we live and is the antithesis of Yours. It can break us or be for us. You go on to tell the Israelites:
“Do it just for me. Honor me. You’ve had great ambitions for yourselves, but nothing has come of it.”
Oh, Father! Have I ever done anything just for You? Not do it with thoughts of how I fit in or how I will be impacted? Just do it in pure trust and faith, because You said to, which makes it the right thing, with no fear? It is always about me! Somehow, some way I will be in there some place! And then You talk about how You got the Israelites attention:
“Because you’ve run around, caught up with taking care of your own houses, my Home is in ruins. That’s why. Because of your stinginess. And so I’ve given you a dry summer and a skimpy crop. I’ve matched your tight-fisted stinginess by decreeing a season of drought, drying up field and hills, withering gardens and orchards, stunting vegetables and fruit. Nothing—not man or woman, not animal or crop—is going to thrive.”
That should have gotten their attention and get mine. How many dry seasons in my life will it take to get through to me that You love me and will never do anything that will ultimately harm me? The last phrase tells me I will “thrive” by choosing Your way and living in Your dimension, regardless of what my human mind tells me. On this earth, in this world, in my community and society, life, my life ,will thrive the way You want it to, not the way I want, plan or others think it should. And I will have peace and joy and be fulfilled in Your dimension, the eternal. The end of Haggai says:
“I am about to shake up everything, to turn everything upside down and start over from top to bottom—overthrow governments, destroy foreign powers, dismantle the world of weapons and armaments, throw armies into confusion, so that they end up killing one another.”
What unbelievable comfort I receive, knowing You Father are in complete control of every major issue on earth. You alone are in control.
But while the major issues of the world are being addressed, that is not where I live. I live in the minor issues of one insignificant man. And the minor, insignificant issues of the world are major issues in my life. Those issues, my issues, You care about deeply and greatly. I am comforted in that in all the chaos and upheaval and tenuousness of this world, I can be steadfast and confident of who I am and how much You love me. And that love is all I need. You are there at my choosing to let go of life on earth, with all its minute choices each moment, and reach out and choose Your way and connect to You through and by the power of Your Spirit.
Every person who is Your child can live with the knowledge that:
“I will take you…as my personal servant and I will set you as a signet ring, the sign of my sovereign presence and authority. I’ve looked over the field and chosen you for this work.”
You Father, creator and ruler of the universe choose me for Your work. You prepare me through seasons of life, and I must trust You completely in pure faith, and live with an eternal perspective, without time applied to the daily, moment by moment events of my life.
Friday, March 13, 2009
The Coming Evangelical Collapse
This link [http://www.csmonitor.com/2009/0310/p09s01-coop.htm] is to a good article about where the author thinks the evangelical church is headed today. Below are my comments about the article and also where my head is at the present time.
I think this gentleman is "right on" most of the time. As he said, all he proposes will not be correct, but the general pervasive thrust is correct, at least I believe so. What can we as Christians do? Well, first we must be sure that we do not get caught up into just what the western organized "church" says we are to believe, profess and how to act. By that I don't mean we are not to listen. I do mean we are to individually judge that what is being taught and the direction being professed is truly in line with what Christ and the apostles laid out in God's Word. The responsibility is mine and mine alone, not for someone to do for me. Second, we must get our heads out of all this Bible study and start exercising what we know, always evaluate and assess and go back to the Bible and study some more, but then get back out and exercise. Our faith and beliefs are always growing, stretching and being legitimately challenged. We must listen and exercise. Third, we must completely disassociate ourselves from this quasi-cultural, political movement that has taken over our churches and Christians. God is not a conservative or a liberal, a Republican or a Democrat. He is God! He is only on His side and not on any one organization or movement. Satan has been successful in getting Christians' eyes and hearts off of God and the death and resurrection of Christ and onto whether abortion, homosexuality, same sex marriage and the like are accepted or rebuffed. Tough call, but Satan knows these things will not save people. And he is much more interested in this. We must consistently and honestly examine our hearts and know that we are firmly on sound footing with Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to save and then change lives. Then profess this in our lives and in every way possible. That must be our motivator, not the issues of the day. I am reminded of something Bob Russell said in one of his sermons. (I paraphrase) "The battle over abortion will not be won or lost in the courts or in Washington or state capitals. It will be won or lost each morning when each person looks at themselves in the mirror." That is true for absolutely every issue we face in this world. I'm done now. Do you get the impression I'm passionate about this?
I think this gentleman is "right on" most of the time. As he said, all he proposes will not be correct, but the general pervasive thrust is correct, at least I believe so. What can we as Christians do? Well, first we must be sure that we do not get caught up into just what the western organized "church" says we are to believe, profess and how to act. By that I don't mean we are not to listen. I do mean we are to individually judge that what is being taught and the direction being professed is truly in line with what Christ and the apostles laid out in God's Word. The responsibility is mine and mine alone, not for someone to do for me. Second, we must get our heads out of all this Bible study and start exercising what we know, always evaluate and assess and go back to the Bible and study some more, but then get back out and exercise. Our faith and beliefs are always growing, stretching and being legitimately challenged. We must listen and exercise. Third, we must completely disassociate ourselves from this quasi-cultural, political movement that has taken over our churches and Christians. God is not a conservative or a liberal, a Republican or a Democrat. He is God! He is only on His side and not on any one organization or movement. Satan has been successful in getting Christians' eyes and hearts off of God and the death and resurrection of Christ and onto whether abortion, homosexuality, same sex marriage and the like are accepted or rebuffed. Tough call, but Satan knows these things will not save people. And he is much more interested in this. We must consistently and honestly examine our hearts and know that we are firmly on sound footing with Jesus Christ and the power of the Holy Spirit to save and then change lives. Then profess this in our lives and in every way possible. That must be our motivator, not the issues of the day. I am reminded of something Bob Russell said in one of his sermons. (I paraphrase) "The battle over abortion will not be won or lost in the courts or in Washington or state capitals. It will be won or lost each morning when each person looks at themselves in the mirror." That is true for absolutely every issue we face in this world. I'm done now. Do you get the impression I'm passionate about this?
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Easter Passion
Lenora and I went to the Easter Passion tonight at Southeast. We volunteered to assist with those who had visual impairment. The disabilities ministry had prepared an electronic audio explanation of what was happening on stage so those with visual impairment could follow the story more easily. Lenora and I assisted a man and woman and then sat with them to help any way we could. It was disappointing because the audio assistance did not work. I felt bad for them, but there was nothing we could do. The man and woman we assisted were very gracious and showed us what a true spirit of graciousness was. They said, at least the church is trying. I agree.
The real issue I wanted to talk about was the production itself. I was very disappointed. It just doesn't work for me. It seems that the passion and the caring about what is going on has been exorcised from the production. The first half was just a series of vignettes having no connection. It was benign and lacked any cohesiveness. The second half got better because it was connected and had something that someone could care about. Somehow, in the effort to make the production more personal and intimate and less show and pageantry the heart was cut out of it. I truly was an observer and not a participant. The seen with the woman at the well was cold and flat. This wasn't necessarily a fault of the production, or it might be. Last year it was was a highlight for me. The woman who portrayed the character last year was amazing. I truly was mesmerized and invited into her world. Tonight, it was a performance and they were truly stock characters. Last year the engagement between Jesus and this woman was visually and emotionally stunning. This year, I didn't even know he was there.
Greg kept telling everyone during weekend services and also in The Outlook about the new closing number. Well, it just didn't develop. It was flat and didn't go anywhere. All the music seemed tepid and more "pop" than passion.
So, for me this "passion" was passionless. I'm not sure what they are going to do, but in my opinion, if there isn't significant rework, I fear the production will die a slow death.
The real issue I wanted to talk about was the production itself. I was very disappointed. It just doesn't work for me. It seems that the passion and the caring about what is going on has been exorcised from the production. The first half was just a series of vignettes having no connection. It was benign and lacked any cohesiveness. The second half got better because it was connected and had something that someone could care about. Somehow, in the effort to make the production more personal and intimate and less show and pageantry the heart was cut out of it. I truly was an observer and not a participant. The seen with the woman at the well was cold and flat. This wasn't necessarily a fault of the production, or it might be. Last year it was was a highlight for me. The woman who portrayed the character last year was amazing. I truly was mesmerized and invited into her world. Tonight, it was a performance and they were truly stock characters. Last year the engagement between Jesus and this woman was visually and emotionally stunning. This year, I didn't even know he was there.
Greg kept telling everyone during weekend services and also in The Outlook about the new closing number. Well, it just didn't develop. It was flat and didn't go anywhere. All the music seemed tepid and more "pop" than passion.
So, for me this "passion" was passionless. I'm not sure what they are going to do, but in my opinion, if there isn't significant rework, I fear the production will die a slow death.
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